The Phoenix
by SevenSinsproject
Summary: Lloyd never was the smartest kid in school, but even he knew that he shouldn't play with fire. But when the flames come in the form of a phoenix with dark brown eyes and a smile that could make him forget for a little while, maybe just this once he'd play the game. Because god knows he needed to forget, and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have to remember anymore. Mult. Ships, Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

Lloyd never was the smartest kid in school, but even he knew that he shouldn't play with fire. But when the flames come in the form of a phoenix with dark brown eyes and a smile that could make him forget for a little while, maybe just this once he'd play the game. Because god knows he needed to forget, and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have to remember anything anymore. Greenflame.

-Chapter 1-

Lloyd hadn't objected when his uncle had taken him to a rehab center in some godforsaken town he didn't care to know the name of. Truthfully, he was glad, as it got him just a bit farther from memories he wasn't too keen on remember. Of course, he'd be left alone in the hands of people he'd never really know; left to fight his own fights without a hand to hold or a voice faking sympathy to ease his heart. Although he was used to being without those things, he did enjoy the thought of such sentiments, and couldn't help but let the idea stay afloat for just a bit too long. There's a sharp tug at his hand, someone he says he knows leading him through the door, and then he's surrounded by white. He tries not to notice that he tightened his hold on his Uncle's hand, or that he's practically hyperventilating as a nurse walks up to him. No, it's just really cold and he's faking being the clingy little boy his Uncle knew so he'll get off his case, that's all.

"You must be Lloyd," the nurse's voice is too falsely sweet; too full of honey for his life made of vinegar. "Your counselor should be here in a couple of minutes to show you around, so please take a seat. Would you mind coming and filling out a bit of paperwork?" The question was directed at his Uncle, who nodded, releasing his hand and following her, leaving Lloyd standing in the empty waiting room.

It was the kind that filled horror movies: startling white walls, hard backed chairs with stiff fabric coating them to try and make them seem just a bit more appealing. He winced as the door finally shut, silencing his Uncle's calm voice and the nurse's sickly sweet questions. Shoving his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, the blonde decided he might as well sit down, even if he refused to sit in one of those goddamn chairs. So, with a shaky sigh, he set his backpack into one of the chairs before sitting down in front of it, legs crossed over one another Indian style. The white tile was freezing, and his eyes were drawn to a pile of children's toys sitting forlornly in the corner of the room. He smiled softly, sadly, reaching up to pull his hood around his face. The fabric, despite all its years of being worn-all the memories it had gone through-was still a soft, welcoming distraction.

Tilting his head up, he looked at the lights, too nervous to pull out anything that could distract his thoughts even for a moment; old habits die hard and his were no exception. So, at the too bright lights he stared until spots appeared in his vision and he was forced to look away. A cigarette sounded nice, a shot even nicer, but he wasn't stupid. He may not want the help, may feel that he didn't need it, but everyone had always been smarter than him and knew that he needed help, and reluctant as he was he trusted them. Even though that trust was the reason he started in the first place, it was all he had. At least they had pretended enough to care to try and get him some help-had tried to act like a normal family that was concerned with their son's smoking habit, his addiction to alchohol six years too young.

Another sigh escaped his lips, shoulders rolling back to ease some of the stiffness already accumliating in his back. How long had it been? A few minutes? An hour? He never did have a good perception of time. It probably stemed from when things were almost okay-when he had his nose buried in some book or another that he managed to get lost in, forgetting everything until he was practically dragged to the table for some cheap take-out. He chuckled dryly, even though he almost liked the memory, it still wasn't rightfully his, and the laugh was more sad and frustrated than happy. "What does it mean to be happy again?" He whispered, softly, hesitantly, hopping against all the odds that someone, anyone, would take pity on him and answer.

"Some people say its their family; others say it's money. Some say drugs, others sex. But what about you? Doesn't anything make you smile, kid?" Lloyd didn't answer, lost in his thoughts. Did anything make him smile? He remembered, vaguely, laughing. Granted, he was probably higher than the Empire State Building, but it had felt genuine. "Yeah, once, maybe. When things were better; when we weren't a plastic family."

"That so? Sounds like you've been through a lot, kid. Tell ya what, how about you stop fretting about that plastic family of yours and come hang out with me." His head snaps up, and he's frantically looking around. A low chuckle greets his ears, and suddendly he's panicking. "Leave me alone," he's too quite; his voice is shaking too much. The laugh grows louder, and suddenly his hands are over his ears, clamping down on them tightly. "Go away!" he's not screaming, nobody can prove it. His voice isn't shaking-you can't prove that either. The voice keeps going, low chuckles and insults going back and forth, 'round and 'round his head until he's practically screaming for them to go away.

He's too hot, he's burning, burning, and the voice won't _stop_. _Can't breathe, I can't breathe, how do you breathe again? Am I dead? I should be dead. Then I won't be able to hear him. Headphones-where are my headphones? Gotta get him to shut up, shut up, **SHUT UP**! _

And suddendly it's over, the hands on his ears held in a warm hand while another brushed the tears from his cheeks. "You don't have to tell me what's up, but you can talk to me, okay. Just talk to me."

"He's gone?" The stutter is there, and the hand on his cheek slows.

"He's gone now. You tell me if he ever shows up again and I'll take care of it, okay?" He nods, sniffeling, hands squirming until they were released. Rubbing at his eyes, Lloyd asked, hesitantly, "Who're you?"

"I'm Kai," the speaker is warm, even warmer than his hands, "I'm gonna be your counselor, if that's okay."

"You were late." The speaker-no, Kai-laughed, using the hand that had been holding his smaller ones to ruffle his hair affectionately.

"Yeah, sorry about that. My sister's cat got all lovey-dovey and refused to eat anything than tuna that had been microwaved for fifteen seconds, no more, no less. It took three different cans before she finally ate something." Lloyd smiled shyly, and Kai smiled back easily. "Do you want something to eat? Or do you want to take your stuff to your room first? Your choice."

"Room." He mumbled, and he watched at the warm teen stood up slowly. He was average height, taller than him by an inch or two, with brown hair messily spiked up in way that was too artful for bedhead but too messy to be anything else. His eyes were brown, warm like the rest of him, and they looked straight at him. "C'mon, let's go uh..."

"Lloyd, it's Lloyd."

"Lloyd," Kai says it slowly, gently, "nice. It's nice." He doesn't specify what is nice, but Lloyd has a feeling that it's him, and it makes him feel just a little warmer. Kai offers him a hand, and he takes it, reveling in the fact that he was so warm. He's nearly pulled into the taller boy's chest, and his face flushes and the boy laughs and it's almost okay. He can almost forget; forget that he's here because he's drinking and smoking and doing drugs he shouldn't even know exsist at fifteen.

"I'll carry your bag; all you have to do is hold my hand and don't let go." Kai brushes past him, slinging his backpack-his old, battered backpack-over a strong, red clad shoulder, before offering his hand again. "Taking my hand means you're going to go through hell and back; it means that you'll break every single bad habit you've ever made. But it also means that you won't be going in alone. Take my word for it, Lloyd; from here on out you won't be on your own."

Hands trembling, he takes the older boy's hand, almost afraid to look up. It's not fake sympathy, hell, it's not even pity, but it's nice and warm and he feels like he could drown in it. And he's so desperate, so depraved that he'll dive head first into this warm with a weight around his ankle and not even try to swim to the surface. Because Kai promised.

And Lloyd was tired of hearing broken promises.

So, Lloyd is fifteen, Kai is about eighteen. Lloyd's an addict, and is hearing voices *cough cough Overlord cough cough*.


	2. Chapter 2

Lloyd's POV

I'm ashamed at how tightly I'm holding Kai's hand. He doesn't seem to notice, or if he does, he doesn't seem to care. He's chatting idly, pointing out certain rooms that I'm sure to forget, giving me smiles that are too bright. It's too hot, I'm burning, burning-and then it cools the moment he stops and releases my hand. "This is your room. We'll be sharing it until you become more comfortable around here. A doctor is going to come talk to you, and I promise I'll be right here the whole time. He's a good guy; you'll be fine." Kai holds out my backpack, and the entire time I'm reaching for it I'm begging my hand to stop shaking. As soon as its safely in my hands he opens the door, smile warm and inviting, almost too warm. "I put your suitcase by the bed on the left, but you can move it if you want. Go take a shower while I call Julian, okay. I'll be here if you need me." Nodding, I looked around the room as he pulled out his phone.

The walls were a soft, minty green; the plush carpets an eggshell color. The beds were tucked into either of the upper corners; the one on the left with lavender sheets, the other baby blue. The bathroom door was slightly ajar, showing a glimpse of white tile and beige walls. I went towards the bathroom, clutching my bag like a shield. Kai's chatter was almost comforting, making me feel hot again, but the heat almost felt good. Leaving the door open just enough that I could still hear his cheerful words, I set my bag on the sink before turning the shower on to its coldest setting. I turned my back towards the mirror, too afraid of what I would see, before slowly inching off my shirt and tossing it onto the sink beside my bag. I did this with the rest of my clothes, toeing off my shoes and setting them on the counter before rolling my shoulders back with a sigh. I gingerly tested the water, despite knowing it was going to be colder than most could ever imagine. Kai's voice grew in volume, not angry, but cheerful, and I felt my lips turn up in what I hoped was a smile. Stepping in, I jumped, though I made no attempt to turn up the water temperature. I made a mental note to make things quick before reaching for the bottle of shampoo that happened to be resting on the side of the shower.

By the time I got out my body had adjusted to the temperature and it was almost comfortable. Almost. Groping blindly for a towel, I brushed the wet hair out of my face with a quiet laugh. Wrapping the newly found towel around my waist, I grabbed my shirt, pulling it over my head and thanking whatever God there was that it was dark colored. After drying off a bit more I pulled on some boxers, quickly followed by my jeans, cursing when the black fabric stuck to my calves and refused to go any higher. After struggling for several minutes I hung up the towel and grabbed a second one, drying my hair as I glanced in the mirror.

I was thin, almost too thin, but a hoodie quickly and efficiently hid my scrawny build. The only thing I really liked about my body were my legs, which were toned from my years in the track team. My eyes were okay, too, even though they could never decide whether they wanted to be blue or green. I was blonde, and my hair never did decide if it wanted to be wavy or straight, but I liked that it was rebellious like that. Someone once told me that I looked like an angel; I had asked them what they were smoking and where I could get some. I tried to smile, to get my reflection to grin at me like I knew no one else would, but it was a vain attempt. The corners of my mouth curled up weakly, half-heatedly, and I noticed that my eyes were more green than blue; that they were darker, more hollow.

My shoulders in a sob I would never let get past my lips; my eyes shut and my hands gripped the towel to stop the trembling. There was no voice, but I knew it would return, and that thought startled me more than anything else. My thoughts were panicked, racing and indiscernible, and I whimpered at the feeling of a headache. I tried to focus on something, anything, willing my thoughts to go back to that sensation, the one that was too warm, too close, too intense for someone like me, who was a shriveled rose still basking in the sunlight, begging for a drop of rain. I tried to breathe, desperately gasping for air- _air, I need air, can't breathe-I can't breathe!_

And then it stopped, my thoughts zoning in on the feeling of something warm at the small of my back, words soaked in vinegar and coated in sugar meeting my ears. "Hey, it's okay; I'm right hear. Just breathe."

"B-but I...I don't know how." The words are barely a whisper, as I don't have enough air to voice the, properly.

"Inhale," his voice is soft, patient; the hand on my back moves up slowly in circles. I do as he says, shakily inhaling through my nose. "Good, now let it out slowly." Again I do as he says, focusing on how much clearer everything is; how warm the hand pressing between my shoulder blades. We repeat this several times, his hand low on the inhales and near my shoulders during the exhales. "Do you want to talk about it?" The voice is less vinegar and more sugar, his hand tracing odd patterns and words in the space between my shoulder blades.

"Not really." I almost wanted to, but I was scared. Scared of how this burning person would leave when he found out.

"That's okay, but I'm here if you need me. After you finish getting dressed we'll meet up my friends for lunch, if that's okay with you?"

"That's fine." I'm surprised that my voice doesn't shake; that the thought of meeting other people doesn't send me straight into another anxiety attack. The hand not on my back cups my cheek, brushing away something before he pulls me into his chest. "You're okay, kid. You're going to be okay."

 _He smells like cigarettes and cheap cologne. It's kind of nice_.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that I didn't believe him; that I'd never really, truly be okay again.

But I wasn't quite ready to be let go of yet.

Kai's POV

I hold him close, dangerously possessive for someone I had only met barely an hour ago. He isn't shaking, and his voice is fairly steady, but his hands reach up and cling to me like just the thought of letting go will send him into another panic attack. So I card my hand through his hair, which is only slightly damp, and trace his name over and over again in the nook between his shoulder blades, willing whatever is troubling him to go away, just for a little while. It's several minutes before he pulls back, looking anywhere but at me. It's endearing, almost cute, and I let my lips curl into a gentle smile. "I'll be right outside the door, okay. Don't be afraid to come get me if you need me." I've probably said that more than enough, but until he thoroughly understands and actually does it, I'll keep repeating it. "Come out when you're ready." He looks like he wants to say something, but he nods instead and turns his attention to the bag sitting on the counter.

I shut the door softly so I don't startle him, leaning against the wall and staring at all the cracks in the ceiling. I'd never had a case like him before. For once I was glad that our company was independent-that it made most of it's own rules and as long as we fixed 'em, we could do what we wanted with the patients. Of course, there were a couple bad apples in every bunch, but most of the employees were angels. We had no uniforms. And the thank the gods we didn't, because I would've been even later if I had to have thrown on some stiff dress shirts and pants that were too tight with shoes that were too large. And we got to love with our patients, becoming almost a family. Most of the counselors were former patients, actually, who had decided to give back.

The door clicked and out he stepped, staring at me wide-eyed and flushed faced, focused on the scars scattered along my arm. Shrugging, I held out the arm he was so fixated with, saying, "Let's go eat kid. We'll talk later." He nods, and I notice his eyes are more green than blue and the sleeves of his sweatshirt are too tight and the edges frayed. His jeans, too are tight, hugging shapely calves and flattering the shape of his ass. Flushing, I took his hand and forced a smirk. "You're lucky I'm so tough, kid. The girl's are going to be all over you."

"I like boys."

Those three words, barely above a whisper but so confidently stated rocked my world. _Shit_. _**Shit!** _ I met his gaze, taking the smaller boy in. How am I supposed to tell him that I do too?

"I'm here Lloyd." I managed, and something inside me stirs. "I'm right here."

And I can't stop my heart from racing when he smiles and says, "I know, Kai."

Sorry this took so long! Office is kind of awful, and I don't have a laptop so everything I type is on my IPad or at school, and we're going on Fall Break...But I'll try to be a little more frequent, okay. Hope you enjoyed.

*NOTE* Julian is not Zane, but Zane's father. Zane will come in later, the beautiful prince he is.


	3. Chapter 3

He let Kai lead him, proud of that fact that so far he had kept his hands neatly wringing each other in the pocket of his hoodie. "It seems kind of empty," he thought aloud, startled by Kai's low chuckle.

"Most of our patients go home every few weeks, to see their familes, tell them how good they've become, to beg for money, you know, the usual sort of thing." Kai's eyes are dark as he continues. "The ones who are hear now either don't have a home to return to or just stay here because it's easier. One of the people you're going to meet is dating my sister, so he usually just stays here. We practically live here anyway." Lloyd doesn't say anything, and Kai doesn't continue, seemingly lost in thought. Hesitantly, Lloyd reached out his left hand and, ignoring his trembling fingers, took Kai's hand in his. "You can go home whenever you need to; you don't need to stay just 'cause I'm here." _But I want you too,_ something inside him whispers, _I want you to make me a priority; want you to stay with me forever._ Kai squeezes his hand instead of replying, but his eyes become more honey than chocolate and a smile plays on his lips almost effortlessly. They stay like that for a while, Kai occasionally pointing out a significant building or answering a rather frazzled nurses' questions. And Lloyd followed him, almost at ease, but the slight pounding towards the back of his ears told him that he should be anything but. _He said you can talk to him if you need him,_ the voice in his head urges, and Lloyd tugs on Kai's hand until he turns back to look at him.

"Something wrong, kid?" His brows are furrowed, and he looks genuinely concerned.

"My head hurts, but it's kinda back behind my ears," Lloyd took his free hand and gestured to the area where the pounding was strongest. "It usually happens whenever the Overlord comes back."

"The voice in your head?" Kai asks softly, reaching up and pressing his fingers lightly against the back of Lloyd's other ear.

"Yeah; he goes away if I listen to music, or down a couple of Advil or something." _Or have at least four shots of the vodka Dad kept in the cabinet in the bathroom, or the sake that Uncle kept tucked away in his closet._ Kai quickly flagged down one of the nurses and, after a rather rushed conversation, he turned to Lloyd with a smug look on his face. "Julian's gonna see you later, and he'll give you something better then, but for now we'll get some Advil and food in ya and then we'll see how you feel. Tell me if it gets any worse and I'll make Julian get his ass down there ASAP."

"Okay," Lloyd replies, a little shaken, but something warm stirs in him. A few moments later the nurse that Kai had called handed him several Advil and a small plastic cup. After he downed both, she took the cup with a smile and said, "I hope you feel well soon, hun." As she walked off, Kai took his hand and they headed towards their original destination.

"She was nice." Lloyd mumbled, and he heard Kai nod. "My mom wasn't even that nice."

"Are you not fond of her? Your mom, I mean."

"I didn't really know her. She was always away on Archeological digs, and when she was home it was to have sex with my dad and get drunk. She was eighteen when she had me, and dumped me on her parents while she finished college. After, I was stuck home with my dad, who'd leave me with my uncle a lot. I never really saw them much."

"My paren'ts weren't around much either. My mom died a little after Nya was born, and my dad was always working to support us. But I managed to get a nice relationship with him when I gradated highschool, and we're actually on pretty good terms now."

"Were you not okay before you graduated?"

"I was a little shit back in the day. I'm surprised he didn't beat my ass! I guess I was just attention starved. Back then, I was just like you."

"You were?"

"Yeah, I was just like you." Kai didn't elaborate, and Lloyd didn't push, and Kai finally said. "Here we are, I'll take you the boys before I go and order some pizza. What do you like?"

"Doesn't matter. Anything but Hawaiian."

"You're a riot, kid!" Kai was laughing, warm and bright, not at but with him. His laugh brought the attention of a table tucked in the back of the room where four boys and two girls were. One boy, a rather excited looking ginger in a blue crew-neck stood up and, after chattering with a young oriental girl, came over to meet them, the girl-now laughing-not far behind. They stopped a foot or so away, the boy looking like an energetic puppy. "He's been like this all day," the girl stated, crossing her arms and narrowing almond eyes at Kai. "I blame you." Kai held up his hands defensively, chuckling nervously.

"Hey, c'mon sis, it's not my fault he's easily excited." Nya scoffed, but there was a smile on her lips that reminded Lloyd a lot of Kai's smirks.

"Sure, okay. Now who is this cutie?"

"C-Cute?" Lloyd spluttered, and he flushed at the feeling of all their eyes on him.

"This is Lloyd. Will you and Jay introduce him to the others while I go order the pizza."

"Yeah, don't forget Zane's vegitarian." Kai nodded, rolling his eyes as he ruffled Lloyd's hair before stepping out into the hallway.

"So, you're Lloyd? Nice to meet ya! I'm Jay!" The ginger held out his hand, and after a moment Lloyd took it, offering a shy smile in response to Jay's thousand-watt one. Jay was average height, with freckles splattered across the bridge of his nose and a scar by his right eyebrow. His hair was tamed, parted to the right and more auburn than orange. There was a gap between his front teeth, and his jeans were covered in oil stains and his pale hands calloused and warm. He looked rough and warm and was rather endearing.

"I'm Nya, Kai's sister." The girl didn't look much like Kai, save for their smiles and the depth of their eyes. Her hair was darker, more black than brown, and was cut in a sleek bob. She had a more petite, almost tomboyish build, but her lips were painted with a light red that matched her high-collared shirt. So, he shook her hand as well before following them back to the actual table.

The table was pretty diverse, with a rather tall girl chatting with a blonde who was even taller than she was. The girl's hair was an odd, silvery blonde pulled back into a pony. Her left arm was wrapped around a darker skinned boy, and she used her free hand as she talked. Emerald eyes were fixed on the dark skinned boy, but her words were directed to the other blonde. She wore a long sleeved, purple shirt and grey leggings, as well as red, beat up converse.

The blond she was talking too had blonde hair in a buzz-cut with blue eyes, and he smiled patiently as his attention was diverted from her words by the boy who was leaning against his chest and poking at his cheek. He spoke calmly, almost in a monotone, but there was something passionate about him that reflected what his voice did not. Over a long sleeved, white t-shirt he wore a beije sweater-vest and jeans.

The boy leaning against his chest talked animatedly with the dark skinned boy by the girl, phrases coming out in what Lloyd assumed to be Italian. He had darker skin, not nearly as dark as the other boy, and black hair that fell in his eyes. There was a ring on the bottom left corner of his lip, and his ears were lined with rings and studs. He was dressed in all black, the only color being the silver sharpie all over his sneakers, which were propped up on the table.

The dark skinned boy had black hair too, shorter in the back and long in the front, parted to the left. He had thick rimmed glasses, and wore a black t-shirt over a purple one. His jeans were ripped at the knees, and he had a choker around his neck. He looked annoyed, and kept making sarcastic comments to the boy in all black.

"This is Lloyd, guys." Jay spoke up, and Lloyd shifted at the feeling of all their eyes on him.

"Nice to meet ya kid. Good luck with Kai; he's a real ass."

"Cole," the blonde boy lightly brushed the boy in all black's hand away. "I apologize; Cole has yet to learn any manners. I'm Zane.

"Just call me Cryptor, and this is my girl, Pixal." The dark skinned boy smirked at him, leaning back into Pixel and whispering something profane into her ear, causing her to flush. "Pull up a chair, little man. Make yourself at home. Join in the conversation, get some bevs, whatever." Lloyd sat across from Zane, and he tried to join the conversation, easing into it after a few moments.

Zane's pov (GASP!)

The boy Kai was now protecting, I couldn't help but worry about him. It was obvious that he had been through quite a lot, but Kai was hot headed. Irrational. _Perhaps it would be best if I talked with him._ He appeared to be nervous, but he gradually began to contribute to the conversation. I used this to get a better look at him. There were brusies near the back of his ears, and something like one near the top of his neck where his hoodie had shifted. I was positive he was pracitcally skin and bones under that hoodie. He looked tired, far too tired for somone his age. As Kai came back I noticed how much happier he looked.

And, with a smirk, quietly took note of how touchy the two already were.

 _Cole is going to get a kick out of this._

 _Yay updates! Also Cryptor is going to be here even if can't write him because I said so!_

 _IDK I tried guys. Instead of a star gimme reviews. They're nice._


	4. Chapter 4

Kai smiled, looking fondly at Lloyd, who had become fully immersed in the conversation. "So, Kai, he is going to see my father, correct?"

"Yeah, I'm getting there. Just calm down, Zane."

"I suppose you are right, but I cannot help but worry."

"You really are a mother hen, Zane." Kai laughed, Zane furrowing his brows in response. The blonde sighed, eyes moving over to Cole as he spoke again.

"Kai, I know you don't want to hear this, but it is far too early to become too attached. You know better than all of us what happens when you become too attached to something."

"Shut up." Kai growled, and Zane's eyes widened in surprise. "Don't talk about him. _Ever._ Lloyd's different. I'm different. So keep out until I ask for help."

"Of course," Zane spoke quietly, glancing warily at the others. "I understand." Kai nodded, and, after a moment, smiled warmly. Zane smiled back, sighing softly in relief when Kai turned back to the conversation. _That could have been much, much worse,_ the blonde thought, pressing a hand against his temple.

"You okay, Zane?" Zane shook his head at Cole, who looked concerned.

"I am fine, Cole. There is nothing to worry about."

"You sure?"

"Yes, I am sure." Cole huffed, and Zane reached under the table and took Cole's free hand.

"Idiot." Cole huffed, face flushing a bright shade of pink. "Ass."

"Cute." Zane whispered back, voice almost a purr.

Kai caught the last part of the exchange, smiling softly to himself before his mind turned back to what Zane had said. He had overreacted a bit, though he'd never admit it out loud, but that topic was something he wanted to keep in the darkest recesses of his heart, so Lloyd wouldn't have to see. Not now, not ever. He had swore after _that_ he would never let his past get in the way of his clients; he was lucky to even be a councilor. If Zane and his father had their way, he'd still be doing therapy for god knows what. And he was, in his own way. Because seeing the timid blonde he had picked up already smiling and returning to a semblance of normality helped. A lot of things about Lloyd did. It wasn't just that contagious smile, or the fact that his hair was constantly out of place and he didn't care; it wasn't those blue-green eyes that could never decide on a hue, or even that feeling that coursed through him when Lloyd had finally asked him for help. No, it wasn't any of those things. It was something different, something he was almost afraid to name, because he had seen it before.

And it had broken every single person he had seen it in.

A few minutes later after a quick exchange of curses from Cryptor and Kai, the latter disappeared and returned with several boxes of pizza and a pout. "You're all mean, and I hate you. Except for Lloyd. And maybe Nya." He mumbled, setting the boxes on a nearby table before ruffling Lloyd's hair. "If we're going by age then that means you're going first, Mr. Twenty-One." Kai smirked as Cryptor rolled his eyes.

"C'mon, doll, you're next, after all. You're going to turn twenty soon, ain't ya?" Pixel nodded, moving back so he could slip out before following him. He kissed her just before they reached the table, hot and heavy, causing several of the other teens to gag. Kai wolf-whistled, and when Cryptor pulled back he had a grin on his face. Pixel's face was flushed, but she rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she grabbed a slice. "I guess you don't get the surprise, then. That is a shame, really, since my father is not going to be home tonight." Cryptor's eyes widened, and he began speaking so fast that it was barely comprehensible to anyone except Pixel, who smiled and gently told him she was teasing. Relieved, Cryptor hurriedly grabbed three slices before moving back to the table. "That means you're up, hotcakes." Cryptor said smugly, and Kai flipped him off before moving to the table. "And you, frosty."

"Only I call him frosty," Cole snapped, getting up as well. "So back off, bastard." Cryptor held up his hands defensively, but the gesture was lessened by his laughter.

"Zane is nineteen, Kai is eighteen, and Cole, Jay, and I are all seventeen." Nya told him softly, rising to her feet. "How old are you, Lloyd." She seemed concerned when he panicked a bit, but it was quickly replaced with a sad smile when he spoke, saying, "I'm fifteen, almost sixteen."

"Are you now? Well, you're in the prime years of your life." She said, trying to make him smile. He did, reluctantly, and she gently took his hand and led him towards the table. "You want to get in before Kai; he's a black hole." Lloyd laughed, and Kai turned to make some sort of defense when he was greeted with blue-green eyes staring straight at him. Except now, they appeared more green than blue. Shaking his head, he ruffled Lloyd's hair before sitting down. He made a mental note to talk to Cole about this, because the dark haired teen had made a certain remark to him that his eye's would change color depending on his mood, or something like that. The whole conversation had been rather confusing. The others soon came back and settled once again in idle chatter, Lloyd sitting unusually close to Kai, not that he minded or anything. Occasionally Kai would purposely nudge Lloyd, whether it was lightly kicking his feet or giving him a gentle shove with his thigh; once, when he was feeling a bit daring, he traced out his name on the boy's free hand. Lloyd would glance up at him every time, looking torn between annoyance and amusement.

Eventually, though, the conversations died down and people began to leave. Cryptor and Pixel one of the first, the latter saying that it was so he could open his present, much to the former's slight amusement. Before she left Pixel gave Lloyd a quick hug and told him to behave. Lloyd, rather flushed, told her she would. The others left in similar fashions, most telling Lloyd some sweet sentiment or piece of advice before they turned to Kai and told him to stay out of trouble. Soon, the cafeteria was empty, save for him and Lloyd. "C'mon, Lloyd, it's time for you to go to bed."

"'M not tired," Lloyd mumbled, voice heavy.

"Obviously you are," Kai retorted, turning to look at the other boy.

"Nu-uh," Lloyd slurred, followed by a hearty yawn. "Okay, maybe a little. Carry me?" The blond looked imploringly at him, and, after a few moments, Kai decided he just couldn't say no to a face like Lloyd's.

"Fine, c'mere, you." It took a few moments, but soon Lloyd was comfortably situated on Kai's back, mumbling sleepily as the older teen carried him back to their room. After the struggle to open the door, Kai let out a soft sigh of relief when he finally opened it and stepped inside. At some point Lloyd had fallen asleep, the petite teen breathing softly as Kai shut the door with a well aimed kick. Gently setting Lloyd on one of the beds, Kai sat on the edge, lost in thought.

It scared him how thin Lloyd was-how light and how easy it was to carry him. The boy stirred in his sleep, mumbling something incoherent as he turned restlessly. "Lloyd," Kai whispered, "you stupid, ignorant, wonderfully beautiful piece of work. Do you know what you're doing to me? I'm already falling for you! Stupid." With a soft laugh, Kai got up and went to his own bed, praying for an easy night.

That is, until a scream woke him from his dreams.


	5. Chapter 5

He was up in an instant-horribly disorientated and uncoordinated but awake all the same. Lloyd's scream still rang in his ears, and the sheer volume causing a steady pulse in his temple. Cursing loudly, Kai slowly stood and walked over to the other bed, thankful that the boy's scream had been relatively short, even if Lloyd seemed to be screaming of bloody murder. He took a deep breath to prepare himself-whether for the physical struggle that was more than likely to occur or the mental one-and rolled his shoulders back in an attempt to relax. Kai settled for the closest thing he could get to relaxed at this point, and with a few softer curses he glanced over-or, rather, he glanced _down_ at the other boy.

Lloyd was tossing and turning like it was going out of style, blonde hair splayed messily across the sheets and strands stuck to his forehead. He was shaking, too, making his restless turning seem more sporadic. Kai shook his head, rolling his shoulders back before he placed his hands on the other boy's shoulders. The effect was immediate. Lloyd stopped turning, but he still shook, and his breathing was ragged. "Lloyd, you need to wake up."

"No-keep away from me! Don't touch me!"

"Too bad, kid. I'm here and I'm not leaving anytime soon. Now get up." Kai gently shook Lloyd, who let out a strangled groan in response.

"I'm...sorry. I won't...No, I'm not sorry. I'm not gonna let you take over me!" Lloyd began to thrash again, and Kai pressed harder against Lloyd's shoulders.

"Lloyd, you're okay. I've got you; nobody's going to hurt you. I just need you to wake up." Kai lent down and pressed their foreheads together, squeezing Lloyd's shoulders in a way that was too painful to be reassuring. "You said you trusted me; I know you trust me. And it sucks, feeling like you're alone. I've been there, but I probably don't know as well as you do. I read your file. A mentally ill father, a mother who can't decide who she wants to be with...I don't quite get it, but I'll be here for you. They say that you've done drugs that you shouldn't even know the name off; you shouldn't know how to mix rat poison in bags of crack or know how to properly hide a meth lab. We'll walk this through together, I promise." Lloyd groaned in his sleep, but his body had begun to still, but Kai was far from relieved. "I know you have a different perspective, and I can't wait to hear it. Maybe you'll want to hear mine, too? But first, you've gotta wake up." Leaning forward, Kai pressed his lips against Lloyd's forehead, body shaking from nerves he couldn't quite place. "Wake up."

The blonde stirred as Kai pulled back, eyes finally fluttering open. He stared up at Kai, eyes more blue than green, and the older boy let a sigh of relief escape his lips. "You really had me worried, kid. Don't scare me like that."

"Sorry," Lloyd murmured, face flushing. "What time is it?"

"Too early for you to be thinking as hard as you are; just go back to bed."

"Stay with me!" Lloyd blurted, averting his eyes as Kai's face molded into one of surprise. "I mean...I just..." Lloyd's embarrassment only grew when Kai barked out a laugh.

"You really are too much, Lloyd. Of course I'll stay with ya. Only if you promise to be super good at your appointment tomorrow." Lloyd bolted upright, banging his head against Kai's.

"Appointment? What do you mean appointment?" Lloyd was practically hyperventilating, and Kai rubbed the new bump on his forehead in annoyance.

"You'll be meeting Julian tomorrow is all. He'll ask you some questions, and then he'll diagnose you, and then we'll have brunch."

"Promise that's all that's going to happen." Lloyd whispered, and Kai brushed his thumb over the spot where their head's connected with a small hum.

"I promise that all Julian is going to do to you tomorrow is talk."

"Pinky swear?" Lloyd looked at him, completely serious, and Kai adjusted so he was nearly sitting on Lloyd's stomach. Hooking their fingers together, Kai mumbled, "I solemnly swear that nothing bad will happen to you tomorrow." Satisfied, Lloyd gave him a sleepy smile. Gingerly getting off the other boy, Kai settled beside him, shifting slightly when the smaller boy curled up into his side. Kai waited until he was sure Lloyd was asleep before closing his eyes and allowing himself to fall asleep.

The two boys awoke to the rapid pounding at their door. Lloyd instinctively curled closer to Kai, who had sat up with a groan. "What do you want?" Kai yelled, wrapping an arm around Lloyd.

"Julian's been waiting for almost an hour; he wants to see his newest patient."

"Shit," Kai muttered under his breath, pulling Lloyd closer, loudly adding, "we'll be right out!" Whoever was at their door seemed satisfied, because they gave an unintelligible response before taking off. "C'mon, Lloyd, let's go before Julian decides to have my hide."

"He sounds scary," Lloyd mumbled, following Kai as the other boy hopped out of bed.

"He's not, really. He'll probably joke a bit before all his attention turns to you. The only scary thing about him is how scarily devoted he is to all his patients."

"Why would he care about us?" Lloyd asked, turning away when he saw that Kai was beginning to change.

"It's just how he is-he treats us all like his kids." Kai responded thoughtfully, blindly reaching for one of the button-downs he had put in the drawer. "It's probably because he never really had any himself-he only adopted Zane a few years ago."

"Zane's adopted?"

"Yeah. It's kinda hard to believe, ain't it? The way those two act, you'd never be able to tell they were anything but blood relatives."

"That's...Kinda amazing."

"It is, isn't it. Well, let's not waste any more time." Kai did the last button on his shirt before turning to Lloyd. "God, he's probably going to wonder what we were doing last night-you have serious sex hair."

"Your's isn't any better," Lloyd retorted, face turning about the same color as Kai's shirt.

"Mine's always like this. I think Zane's making pancakes, and there'll be hot chocolate and probably those little doughnut holes from the place downtown." Lloyd made a pleased sound and Kai laughed, taking the boy's hand in his. "And then I'll give you a proper tour, and Cole and Jay will insist you play Call of Duty or something while Zane pesters me about your appointment, and then we'll all settle down and play Mario Kart." Lloyd trotted behind him, gripping his hand loosely before, after a moment, he began to speak. The two boys talked about everything and anything-video games, what they were doing for dinner, who their favorite singers were...Kai and Lloyd easily went back and forth until Kai stopped, causing Lloyd to run into him. "Here we are kid-Julian's little slice of heaven."

Lloyd wasn't sure that was what he would call it, but Kai gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and Lloyd knew that he was going to be fine. Kai was here, and he wasn't going to leave any time soon. He had meant what he had said-he wasn't going through this alone.


	6. Chapter 6

Kai entered the room first, Lloyd trailing warily behind him. Their presence seemed to remain unnoticed by the aged man sitting at the desk. Kai slung his arm around Lloyd's shoulder, clearing his throat softly. "We're here, Julian. I've brought him."

"I heard you; you're almost as bad as Jay." The man replied, but Lloyd was relieved to hear the smile in his voice. He spun around in his chair to face them, and Lloyd was surprised that the warmth in his eyes was directed at him. "So you're Lloyd, eh? I'm Doctor Julian, but feel free to call me Julian. Most of the kids around here do."

"It's nice to meet you," Lloyd mumbled, shifting closer to Kai.

"Shy? That's quite all right. Most of the kids are when they show up. Now, I won't go into all the deep, personal stuff today. I just want to get to know you. But, I will ask if there is anything important that you want to be treated." Lloyd stiffened, toying with the edge of his sleeve as he thought about whether he wanted to tell the doctor about the voice in his head.

"You can tell him, Lloyd." Kai whispered, tapping an odd rhythm on the boy's shoulders. "He won't tell, and neither will I."

"Okay," Lloyd whispered back, taking a deep breath before he spoke loud enough for the doctor to hear. "I hear voices, or at least, a voice. I can get anxiety pretty bad, and when I hear the voice I usually have a panic attack."

"Is that so? Have you been treated for this before?"

"No...My uncle...he had a bottle of sake in one of the cabinets. I'd drink that sometimes. Or I'd go smoke-cigarettes or pot, it didn't matter to me. On days when I couldn't get any of those I'd down a few Advil and listen to music until the voice stopped."

"All right, well, how long have you been clean of both alcohol and drugs?"

"Alcohol...about two, three days. For drugs, the last time I smoked pot was two weeks; I smoked a cigarette about two days ago." Lloyd felt Kai shift, and he thought that it was due to the nonchalant way he stated the facts that he had been running from his entire life. "I haven't really been experiencing cravings." He felt his mouth go dry at the lie; it wasn't that he wasn't craving them-it's that after what had happened with Brad, he was scared to go back to the thing that had consumed his best friend. So, he had been ignoring the cravings best he could, but he knew his body was reaching its limits.

"I see," Doctor Julian stated, humming in thought. "Well, I'll get you on some medication for your voices as soon as possible; Kai will start you with addiction counseling the day after tomorrow. Now, for the fun part. What's your favorite color?"

"Huh?"

"You're favorite color-mine's blue."

"Green's alright, I guess."

"Red's the best." Kai piped in, ruffling Lloyd's hair.

"If you wanted a session, Kai, you could have just asked." Julian said, causing Kai to laugh.

"Favorite Disney princess?"

"Meg." Kai chimed, and Lloyd hid a snicker behind his hand.

"I like...hmm...Merida." Julian nodded at Lloyd's choice, scribbling something on his clipboard.

"Now, I need a five letter word that is better than okay and ends in a 't'."

"Doing crosswords already? It's a little early."

"Zane was in such a rush to get here and make breakfast that I skipped my morning puzzle."

"Great." Lloyd offered, causing the doctor to smile.

"That fits perfect! Thanks, Lloyd. With that, you're free to go. I'll have you swing by when I get your prescription settled, all right. Take care of yourself."

"Thanks," Lloyd replied, feeling better about the unusual doctor. With a wave he and Kai left the office, Kai's arm still protectively around his shoulder. As soon as the door shut Kai turned to him, saying, "That wasn't so bad, right?"

"It was...different."

"I'll explain the addiction counseling over lunch. Now, since Zane won't be done with breakfast for another half-an-hour, what do you want to do?" Lloyd shrugged, and Kai thought for a moment. "Hey, do you like music? I could probably teach you the piano or something, if you want?"

"This place has a piano?"

"We basically have a whole recording studio-we're pretty well known for our music therapy. Do you know anything about the piano?"

"I can play a little bit," Lloyd admitted, watching as Kai's face lit up.

"That's great. Want to go down there for a bit?"

"Yeah. Do you play much?"

"I play a little," Kai shrugged, taking Lloyd by the hand as they walked. "Cole is the talented one; he plays like a professional. I play it to vent." Lloyd hummed softly in response, swinging his and Kai's arms slightly.

"What little I know is music that's more for self-pity than anything, but it helps."

"Yeah; Cole could preach on and on about how music saves the soul. He's surprisingly full of sermons like that-how people see their eyes as different colors depending on how they see themselves; how eyes begin to change colors when a person changes. He can go on for hours about pride and love and so many other things people tend to forget about that are so important."

"You say this like you've heard them," Lloyd replied, following the gentle tug from Kai as they turned.

"I've heard 'em all. I may be a counselor, but the truth is, when we were younger, Cole's the one who saved me. I'm still upset that I couldn't return the favor. I was a lot like you, kid. Cole, bless his heart, became the way he is partly because of me. We're still friends, we still are able to touch one another and not hurt, but I'm part of the reason he smoked and drank and cut; the reason he rebelled so much that his mother would beat him and his dad would cuss him out. I was still recovering; I didn't want the burden of his problems while I was still figuring out my own. So, it was Zane who saved Cole, but Cole who saved me.

"We're a family here, Lloyd. And you're a part of it, even if you leave eventually. Goodbye isn't the same thing as farewell, you know." Lloyd felt tears in his eyes as a memory rose to the surface.

 _"Lloyd, this isn't farewell, right? I'm...I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and see you smiling at me. Callie's gonna cuss me out, and we'll read comic books and get high and believe we're the heroes in those books, right?"_

Lloyd bit his lip, willing the memory to go away, but it was his own voice that filled his ears; his own cheap words that only someone as week as him could say.

 _"Of course, Brad. There's no way in hell that this is goodbye."_

"Here we are Lloyd, the music room." Kai held open the door, and Lloyd went straight for the piano in the center. As he settled to play, Lloyd watched as Kai lounged eagerly on the piano. "You're safe here, kid. Tell me what you're feeling."

And with those words, Lloyd began to play.


	7. Chapter 7

The chords filled the room; notes to a song that had spoken to him for the longest time.

 _I wanna be a bottle blonde_

 _I don't know why, but I feel conned_

 _I wanna be an idle teen_

 _I wish I hadn't been so clean_

Lloyd could feel Kai's eyes boring into him, but he wasn't nervous. He sung the words easily, truthfully, and his hands didn't shake as he moved towards the next pattern of chords.

 _I wanna stay inside all day_

 _I want the world to go away_

 _I want blood, guts, and chocolate cake_

 _I wanna be a real fake_

He heard Kai hum, soft, barely there, but it sent chills down his spine. The words stuck a chord with him, because he'd been acting them out all his life, but the words seemed to be a bit harder to say as he got to the chorus.

 _Yeah I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle_

 _Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title_

 _Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible_

 _Feeling super, super, super! Suicidal_

He knew the words almost as well as he knew himself; they had rung true from the day he had first heard the song-and now was certainly no exception to this.

 _The wasted years_

 _The wasted youth_

 _The pretty lies_

 _The ugly truth_

 _And the day has come where I have died_

 _Only to find, I've come alive_

He wasn't exactly a stranger to death-he had watched his best friend die, held his body. Murders weren't necessarily uncommon in his neighborhood, and once or twice some popular girl put a gun to her, pulled the trigger, and brought almost half the school with her. It was easy to say that they threw their lives away, but he had experienced, saw what happened when they purposely popped one pill too many, and it had made him see things a lot more clearly.

 _I wanna be a virgin pure_

 _A twenty-first century whore_

 _I want back my virginity_

 _So I can feel infinity_

He was one of the few kids in his school who hadn't had sex-most of them would do it in the empty classrooms that made up more than half the school. The teachers didn't care-most of them were in some sort of relationship with the kids, anyway. But he wanted that feeling of being taken; of trusting someone with something that you could never get back.

 _I wanna drink until I ache_

 _I want to make a big mistake_

 _I want blood, guts, and angel cake_

 _I'm gonna puke it anyway_

One of his friends had been anorexic; nine times out of ten what she ate came right back up. He'd watched her shrivel away, and sometimes, when he looked in the mirror, he'd see her, and he'd be shocked back into a reality where he was supposed to live-where he was confident and in control of his own body.

 _Yeah I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle_

 _Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title_

 _Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible_

 _Feeling super, super, super! Suicidal_

He began to sing through the chorus again, trying to ignore the dull ache pulsing in his chest.

 _The wasted years_

 _The wasted youth_

 _The pretty lies_

 _The ugly truth_

 _And the day has come where I have died_

He felt like he had wasted so much time singing this song; so much ambition wasted on self-pity. It made him sick just thinking about it.

 _Only to find, I've come alive_

 _Come alive, I've come alive_

 _Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh_

 _Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh_

Kai watched Lloyd carefully, the ever-so slight change in expression not slipping past his notice. The lost-puppy look in his eyes, the way his lips turned down slightly...Kai worried his lip between his teeth, forcing his eyes towards Lloyd's fingers.

 _Adolescence didn't make sense_

 _A little loss of innocence_

 _The ugliness of being a fool_

 _Ain't youth meant to be beautiful?_

Lloyd let the words simmer, shuddering as he heard them echo slightly in the small room.

 _Yeah I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle_

 _Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title_

 _Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible_

 _Feeling super, super, super! Suicidal_

Kai heard the chords for the chorus, turning his attention back to Lloyd, who looked close to tears. The younger's voice powered through it, sounding louder and stronger than Kai had ever heard it.

 _The wasted years_

 _The wasted youth_

 _The pretty lies_

 _The ugly truth_

 _And the day has come where I have died_

Lloyd was trying hard not to slam the keys as he continued, feeling emotion swell up inside him.

 _Only to find, I've come alive_

 _Feeling super, super, super!_

 _Feeling super, super, super!_

 _Feeling super, super, super!_

He had always been a terrible liar-while his face might give nothing away, his tone of voice always did. Someone once said that he had gotten it from his mother, to which he had nearly cussed them out and left the room with the desire to forget everything that person had ever told him. Kai was looking at him like he had a gun to his head, and when he turned to look at the teen, he finally noticed how blurry his vision was. "I'm...crying?" Lloyd reached up to wipe up at his eyes, and he heard Kai laugh.

"You started about halfway through the final chorus-I've never met someone who didn't realize they were crying."

"Shut up," Lloyd mumbled through a laugh, rubbing harshly at his eyes. "Like you're any better."

"I'm not crying. I'm...I'm..." Kai began, glaring at the now laughing teen. "God, we're so stupid. Jay would probably find a way to put it into his next comedy routine if he saw us."

"Jay does comedy?"

"Jay _tries_ to do comedy," Kai corrected. "Now scoot over, I'm gonna teach you how to play something happy for once.

Kai's version of a happy song ended up being a rather poorly played version of Katy Perry's "Dark Horse". Lloyd didn't really mind that Kai could barely play, or that he barely understood the notes; he was just glad that Kai was laughing with him, joking with him, t _alking_ to him. He felt warm all the way through, and when Kai's hands moved to put his in the correct spots, Lloyd couldn't help but let a shudder run through him. He knew that he was probably only infatuated with Kai, as most young love was, but something about what he felt for Kai was different than what he had felt for his long string of childhood sweethearts. And he wasn't stupid to think it would last, either. He had read Romeo and Juliet like the rest of his eighth grade class; he knew what happened when a moth got too close to a flame.

But for once, he didn't care. He wanted to play with fire. Lloyd never was the smartest kid in school, but even he knew that he shouldn't play with fire. But when the flames come in the form of a phoenix with dark brown eyes and a smile that could make him forget for a little while, maybe just this once he'd play the game. Because god knows he needed to forget, and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have to remember anymore.


	8. Chapter 8

"No, you're hands go like this...no, wait...gah! How did it go again?" Kai began to fiddle with the keys, playing the notes in attempt to try and get them to sound the way he wanted. Lloyd laughed, really laughed, and pretty soon Kai was laughing right along with him. The two boys laughed so hard that Lloyd was in tears by the time they calmed down, and Kai was no better. "Look at you, crying like you were watching some chick-flick."

"You're not any better," Lloyd replied, shoving Kai playfully.

"I am so better."

"You look like you just finished The Fault in Our Stars."

"Too soon!" Kai replied with another laugh, wiping at his eyes.

"Wait...you actually read it?"

"Huh? No, but Nya made me go see the movie with her. Dude, not gonna lie, I'd totally do Augustus Waters."

"Yeah? He is pretty cute."

"That's what I'm saying! He's probably been in ever girls' wet dreams since then." Lloyd snickered at that, and Kai rolled his shoulders back. "You think Zane's done with breakfast?"

"I don't know. I just work here."

"Real funny, kid. C'mon, let's go see. If he's not, we could probably convince him to make chocolate chip pancakes."

"Coming!" Lloyd replied, scrambling off the piano bench and following Kai out the door. "Hey, wait up!"

"Come on, slow poke." Kai called, turning around. Lloyd, not realizing Kai had stopped, quickly ran into the other boy. Kai looked up at Lloyd, who hadn't quite figured out what happened. "Well, are you gonna enjoy the view or what? I don't let just anybody on top of me, you know." Lloyd's gaze shifted downward, meeting Kai's eyes. Much to Kai's amusement, Lloyd turned red, causing him to chuckle. "You know, you're kinda cute like this."

"Kai?" Lloyd's voice was barely a whisper as Kai's hand gripped his shoulders.

"I mean it. You're really cute." Kai's lips curled into a smirk, and Lloyd was suddenly nervous.

"Hey, there you two are-Kai what are you doing?"

"Cole?" Kai was the one who spoke as Lloyd scurried off him.

"Jesus, Kai, couldn't keep your hands off him, huh. What if I hadn't shown up? Would you have raped him too?"

"Shut up!" Kai growled. "It wasn't rape. If anything, he raped _me_!"

"Yeah, of course he did. The poor fifteen year old seducing the seventeen year old. I totally believe you." Kai let out another growl, and Cole placed his hands on his hips. "When are you going to grow up, Kai? Not everyone's problems are solved like yours; everything isn't fixed by getting laid and drinking until you pass out."

"Shut up!" Kai cried, placing his hands over his ears. "Shut up! Like you would understand. You've always had it so good. I bet you haven't had one partner who's told you that they hated you, huh? Oh no, everything is always peachy for Cole! Bet your mom never tried to coax you to bed, huh? Bet your old man didn't turn a blind eye while she practically whored you out to anything that moved."

"Kai...I didn't..."

"Don't play dumb! You fucking knew! You've always known. But no, it's always gotta be rainbows and sunshine in Cole land."

"It's not my fault that you're stubborn! If I asked, you'd never tell." Cole tried to reason, but Kai pressed his hands harder against his ears. "Kai, cut it out! Come on, man."

Lloyd stared up at Kai, brows furrowed. Kai was crying, shoulders shaking as he swore quick and loud. Cole made no attempt to get close to him, desperately trying to reason with him. Shakily Lloyd rose to his feet, not really thinking about what he was going to say to Kai, but instead praying that Kai would stop. His heart was breaking, seeing him like this. Kai had already done so much for him, so it was about time he did something in return. _Cole said he liked sex, so maybe I should do something physical?_ Taking a deep breath, Lloyd stepped up to Kai, ignoring Cole's cry of, "No, Lloyd, don't go near him!"

"Kai," he whispered, slowly reaching up to where Kai's hands were. "Kai, come on, you said we were gonna go get breakfast."

"Lloyd, it's not gonna work." Cole said with a sigh. "Nobody can get to him like this. It's just best to let him ride it out."

"You said we were gonna have convince Zane to make chocolate chip pancakes. And we can use chocolate syrup instead of maple, and we can put lots of whipped cream on 'em. And...and...after you can show me around, or we could go and play the piano some more. You never did finish teaching me that song." He felt Kai stiffen, and Lloyd forced a smile. "I had a lot of fun, playing the piano with you. I've never laughed so much."

"Yeah?" Kai finally responded, taking a shuddering breath.

"Yep! When I was with my old friends, any time we were laughing was because we were too high to understand what was going on."

"You actually remember gettin' high?"

"Yeah, I did it so many times it's all kind of a blur. Kind of stupid, huh."

"No, it's not."

"You don't need to lie. I was stupid. That's all there is to it." Lloyd's smile became a bit more natural, and Kai's shoulders had finally stopped shaking. "Look at us, a pair of crazy kids. The world's chewed us up and spit us back out. And what do we do? We fight back. Crazy, isn't it? The world decides we need to be taken out, and we decide to take it over." Kai made a sound that sounded like a choked laugh, and Lloyd sighed in relief.

"Sorry, kid, but I don't think I can take you to breakfast." Kai ruffled Lloyd's hair, avoiding the other's gaze when he looked up. "Cole will take care of you. Zane can explain addiction counseling. I need a breather, okay."

"Okay."

"Kai-" Cole began, but he was quickly silenced by Kai's desperate look. "C'mon Lloyd, let's go eat."

"'Kay." Kai watched the two of them leave, narrowing his eyes when Cole wrapped his arm around Lloyd's shoulder.

 _Julian is gonna kill me. Ah, well. I think I still have a pack in the break room. And I mean, you deserve a little nicotine._

Smiling, Kai began to walk to the break room.

 _It's not like they'll ever find out._


	9. Chapter 9

Kai sighed, leaning against the door he had locked moments ago. He felt an ache in his chest, and was uncomfortably warm. His lips were upturned in a smirk, however, and he clutched a small box in his hand like it was a lifeline. He knew what he was doing was stupid, the fact he was doing it in a closed off space even more so, but he was desperate and he'd always been more rash when he was desperate. As long as he cleaned up after himself, he should be fine; all he had to do was take a deep breath and calm down. With shaking hands Kai opened the box, sliding to the floor as he emptied the contents. A lighter, red color faded and scratched and several cigarettes that were probably too old to be useful fell to the ground. Kai honestly didn't care that he'd barely get any buzz-that nicotine was child's play when it came to drugs-he wanted anything he could get his hands on. It certainly wouldn't make him forget (hardly anything did) but it was a distraction, and a welcome one at that. So with too-skilled hands he lit the first, placing it in his mouth as he fumbled to make the box into a suitable ashtray.

The first drag was small, just enough to remind his system of what it had been missing the past couple of months. It was enough to make the hand that moved to take the cigarette out of his mouth tremble. Letting out a breathy laugh, Kai took another drag until he was full to bursting, exhaling in a rush before doing it again. He coughed, tapping his cigarette against his pathetic excuse for an ashtray. A part of him felt like he was out of practice, and for good reason, but another told him that he'd get used to it. That excited him, made him clumsily put the cigarette in his mouth and inhale too deeply, causing him to choke on the smoke. He didn't care, he never really had. The only reason he quit was because Dr. Julian hadn't stopped nagging him until he had. It hadn't been a choice, not really, and the whole time he missed it; missed the rush and the loss of breath. Nicotine had always done strange things to him; he was like a ten year old on a sugar high the moment it entered his system. Weed always mellowed him out; the one time he did crack he'd been too antsy to do anything. But nicotine, nicotine made him feel good. Really good. Better than anything he'd ever felt before.

It was easy, and relatively cheap. It was better than digging in his pockets for cash that he didn't have to pay for meth and heroine, and far better than paying for some whore to soothe his physical needs. He supposed it was because he'd never been exposed to it; he'd been exposed to druggies and people who used him for sex from the moment he could understand. So nicotine was the only thing he felt comfortable turning too; liquor was too finicky, too much too fast. But he could control nicotine, to an extent. He could stop buying the packs, chew the gum when a cigarette was too much, and it was easy, almost too easy.

Yet now there was something new to the picture, or rather, someone. A someone who was just as addictive, just as easy and complicated as nicotine. With a curse he put out his cigarette, leaning back so his head hit the door. Hard. He reached for the lighter, twirling a second cigarette between his fingers. The room was beginning to smell of smoke, and it was beginning to get to his head. He didn't care. Let them see how he really was; let them find him passed out with a cigarette in hand and an almost empty lighter beside him. He hoped they kick the box by accident and cause the ashes to scatter.

As he let the next cigarette he thought of Lloyd, and nearly burnt himself when he heard the blonde's laughter in his ears. He was damned, that was for sure. Lloyd had him wrapped around his little finger, and it'd barely been three days. Clamping his teeth around his cigarette, Kai threw his lighter, growling when it only made a small ' _thump_ ' before falling to the floor. Damn that kid to high hell and back. As much as he loved Lloyd, the kid was the scariest person he'd ever met. He had complete control over him, and he couldn't shake the feeling that Lloyd _knew_. And yet the kid hadn't used it to his advantage; hadn't pinned Kai and forced him into a situation they'd both regret in the end. He swore that when Lloyd looked at him, he was asking Kai if he would have his way with him. He acted as if he wanted Kai to want it, too.

And he wasn't going to have that. He'd break that kid in three seconds flat if he had his way with him. That's what scared him the most about Lloyd: how fragile he was. That kid was all skin and bones, and as much as he wanted to help, there was hardly anything he could do. It's not like he could force food down the kid's throat. The most he can do is smile and murmur encouragements, maybe hold his hand if he was feeling especially daring. He was already going to be watched more by Cole because of his episode. God, had he fucked up. And the look on Lloyd's face...

But it was Lloyd who tried to help, not Cole. Lloyd who stepped up to him despite the fact he was trembling; Lloyd who had tears in his eyes but wiped his instead. It felt like a kick to the stomach; it left him breathless and aching in a way that was almost pleasant, if something like that could be. And the way he smiled, like Kai was someone he hadn't seen in years; like they had been friends for years and had finally reunited. The way Lloyd wasn't afraid to touch him; the way he was willing to cry in front of Kai. It was Kai who had been assigned to help Lloyd, but he couldn't help it was the other way around. He was sure someone had noticed the way he had changed, if only for a moment, when he looked at Lloyd.

"Damn him," Kai whispered, putting out his cigarette with a sob. "Damn it. Damn him!" And with a deep breath, Kai began to sob.


	10. Chapter 10

Cole didn't need a degree to know that Lloyd was on edge. He could see how desperate the teen wanted to latch onto him; his body shook like he was going through withdrawal. He probably was, even if it wasn't from a drug. Not exactly. Kai was addictive, and if anyone knew that, it was Cole. Kai spun words like a spider, enticing anyone who stayed for a moment to come into his web. It wasn't bad, not usually, but Kai had gained a bad rep and his words rubbed a sore spot in Cole.

"I'm going to my room." Lloyd stated suddenly, and the surprise on his face made Cole think he hadn't realized he was saying it.

"Like hell you are." Cole snapped. "We don't know how dependent you are on K-drugs. On drugs."

"I'm not hungry, and I'm exhausted. I wanna lay down." Lloyd knew he sounded childish, but he wanted to find Kai.

"Listen, kid, no matter how much you talk to him, he won't listen." Cole said with a sigh. "He never does. Just because he's into you now doesn't mean he'll be into you next month, or even tomorrow. He doesn't know what the hell he wants. It's better to just let this pass."

"I want to help him."

"Well you can't!" Cole finally shouted, causing Lloyd to flinch. "Nobody has been able to help him. I've damn well tried, and I'm tired."

"You gave up!" Lloyd accused, and Cole felt the words like a knife in his chest. "I won't! I'm not going to give up on him! You can't make me."

"Lloyd, I didn't mean-" but the teen had already taken off, sprinting down the hall they had just come from. "Damn it! God, Julian's going to be so pissed. Zane's not going to take it any better." Muttering under his breath, Cole made his way towards the cafeteria, praying that Zane wouldn't be too upset.

Because, if Cole was honest, seeing Zane's disappointed look was far worse than if the blonde had shouted at him.

"Kai! Kai, c'mon! Where are you?" Lloyd called, turning down a corner. He was lost, having gotten himself turned around in his mad dash from Cole. Now he was in an empty hall, lights flickering and it was eerily quiet. "Kai..." Lloyd whispered, leaning against the wall. "No, you'll find him, Lloyd. You have to find him. Before the others do...before they find you." It felt like something out of a horror movie when he said it out loud. Shuddering, Lloyd began to walk the way he came, making sure to take the turns he was sure he didn't take. _Another hallway_ , he thought blearily, _and only one door, too. This is straight out of a horror movie._

If he was going to get lost, he was going to make damn sure he wasn't found until he wanted to be. The thought made him smile, just a little bit. He stopped suddenly when he heard yelling, the sound so far away it sounded like a whisper. It was wet, like a sob, and Lloyd immediately started heading towards it. His brain supplied hundreds of scenarios from old movies and articles he'd read; from serial killers to ghosts to everything in between. Yet he honestly didn't care. He would take anything over the dull ache in his chest. So, with that thought in mind he went towards the sound. Silently he wished his hands would stop shaking as he approached the door, cringing at the way his hands made the knob rattle. "Kai?" He muttered, twisting the knob. "It's me."

"Go away!" Kai cried back, voice shaking.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No," at first it was a whisper, growing stronger with each word, "no, no, no! Not you. Never you. I fucked up. I really, really fucked up, kid."

"You didn't," Lloyd pleaded, "you didn't. I was fucked up. I was fucked up from the very beginning. So don't blame yourself."

"I shouldn't feel this way for you, damn it! Your three years younger than me!"

"So? Fuck the rules! We're here because we said screw the rules. What's it matter if we break a few more?"

"You're here to get better. Not worse."

"You make me better."

"You're a fucking liar." Kai spat, and Lloyd flinched.

"No...I'm not...I promise..." He whispered, feeling his throat tighten. Lloyd jumped at the sound of footsteps, of voices. "Kai, they're coming. Let me in, please."

"Lloyd..."

"Let me in so we can talk. Please." The voices got closer. "Kai, I'm scared. Let me in!" Ignoring the urge to pound on the door, Lloyd let his tears fall. "Please."

"Step back, kid." Lloyd released a sigh, scooting back so Kai could open the door. As soon as it was open Lloyd scrambled through, shutting the door loudly behind him. Kai seemed to tower above him, not that Lloyd minded, and he stared up at Kai like he was the only light in a dark room. The other boy seemed a bit unnerved by Lloyd's earnest gaze, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because you're a light," Lloyd whispered, "and the dark can't help but be drawn to the light."


	11. Chapter 11

Kai stared at Lloyd, shocked. At any other time, he would've complimented the teen on his flattery, but he couldn't bring himself to speak. The raw honestly in Lloyd's voice was enough to silence him; the devotion, the needy undertones in Lloyd's words had him shaking so violently he worried he was going to fall to his knees. The teen stared up at Kai with large, blue-green eyes. Eyes that were filled with tears, widened with fear and hope, and god, Kai knew he was screwed the moment he looked into those eyes. If he wasn't screwed when they first met, he was certainly screwed now. He'd gone and fallen in love in a matter of hours. What a fool he was. A complete and utter fool.

"You're going to ruin me, kid." Kai stated, crouching down to Lloyd's level. "Well, technically speaking, you already have. I don't know how, but you've gotten me to fall in love with you in a couple of hours. I've never felt this high. No drug, no person, has ever taken me where you have. I feel like I'm floating and drowning at the same time; I have too much air and not enough. You're this perfect contradiction wrapped in a sweet little pill."

"Like ecstasy," Lloyd whispered, and Kai laughed.

"Yeah, just like ecstasy. A club drug. The kind that dancers and DJ's and freaks of nature take in sweaty clubs filled with bright colors and even brighter lights. It makes you see things. Good things, bad things..."

"What do I make you see?"

"A bedroom." Kai laughed, ruffling Lloyd's hair. "No, no, but in all seriousness. You make me see my bedroom, when I was seven. Filled with comic books and posters of superheroes. The happiest years of my life. Bright, innocent, pure. You make me see my family, not my birth family, but my _real_ family. Zane and Cole and Jay and Nya. Pixal and Cryptor, too. Julian's a saint, he really is. And then, I see you. With those beautiful eyes and that dorky smile. God, your smile makes me weak in the knees. I see green, not faded green but bright green, green that's borderline neon. And gold. Lot's of gold. I see oversized sweatshirts and a battered Super Nintendo and cigarette packs; shot glasses and fuzzy socks and pizza boxes scattered on the coffee table. It's comfortable, it's safe. It feels like home."

"I...feel like home?" Lloyd's eye's became impossibly wider, and Kai smiled.

"Yeah. You're home."

"I see things too." Lloyd whispered after a moment. "When I'm with you. It's not as strong as ecstasy, but it feels wonderful. It's red, lot's of red." Kai laughs at this, and Lloyd feels warm tingles running down his spine. "And it's so, so warm. Like being wrapped in a blanket fresh out of the dryer. I see...I see my friends, passing around a blunt. Smiling, laughing over some joke that'd be far less funny if we were sober. And I see us at the bonfire. Where we laughed and danced and then things went wrong and some of us got burned. I didn't get burnt, but I wanted to. I wanted to so, so bad. Because being burnt, feeling it years after, was a reminder that I was still human."

"You're human," Kai whispered, "I know it. I can feel it. Here, give me your hand." Lloyd obliged, letting Kai's fingers wrap around his own. "I had a friend who read palms. She was pretty good at it, too. Made a mean cup of tea, as well, but that's beside the point. This line, here, is your life. And this, well, this one's a little more scandalous, so we'll save it for later." Lloyd giggled, Kai's fingers tracing the lines. "Ah, what do your lines say, little one. Do they tell of great adventures of your past lives? Or of great tragedies that have befallen on your family?" Lloyd giggled again, and Kai's fingers stilled. "This. A dip, it signifies a tragedy. This one is carved deep, so it must have hurt you deeply. It's fairly recent, too, no older than a year, and no sooner than three months ago."

"My friends...they died. In a meth lab explosion. I was there, I watched them die. They told me to run so I wouldn't get caught. I couldn't save them." Lloyd felt his chest ache, and tears fill his eyes. "I ran. I ran like a coward." Kai's fingers trace the line, slow, soothing. "This, a rise, an event of great fortune. Very recent. A day or two ago. I bet I can guess what it is."

"I came here, and met you."

"I was correct! What is my prize?" Lloyd hesitated a moment, staring at Kai's wide grin. He gripped the brunette's hands tightly, closing his eyes. _A prize, huh?_ Summoning all his courage, Lloyd leaned forward and pressed his lips against Kai's. The other boy stilled, eyes widening as he squeezed Lloyd's hands. As Lloyd moved to pull away Kai moved his hands to Lloyd's shoulders, keeping him in place as he kissed him harder. Lloyd's eyes snapped open, and Kai's had fluttered shut as he pressed into Lloyd. _He's so warm, so human, so alive!_ Kai's entire body trembled as he pulled back, staring at the blonde who was completely breathless. _He's breathtaking. So beautiful, so warm, so, so human._ Lloyd's chest rose and fell rapidly, eyes fluttering so they were half-lidded. "Kai?"

"You're human," Kai whispered, cupping Lloyd's cheeks. "So human, so warm, so alive. Perfect, absolutely perfect. Ecstasy. You're ecstasy. My drug. I crave you, I need you. Let me take you in every form-pill and liquid and blunt and smoke. Please, Lloyd. Let me have you."

"Okay," Lloyd whispers, desperate. He isn't sure if this is healthy, or what's best for him, but he can feel Kai's hands on him, burning him. And, for once, he feels truly, utterly alive.

He feels, for the first time, completely human.


End file.
